Tips For Handling Sibling Rivalry

ADVANTAGES OF HAVING SIBLINGS

Siblings have the opportunity to learn how to share time and things, cooperate, learn to negotiate, resolve conflict and reconcile, practice and enjoy dialogue with a peer; how to love and have compassion, take care of each other. They always have someone to reach out to – a peer and a friend. They also learn that good times and good relationships rarely exist without some of the bad, and have a strong foundation to have a relationship that can last for a lifetime! Even if they understand these advantages, they probably won’t know how to really appreciate them until their teenage years when they get to be mischievous together and have each other’s backs.

FACTORS THAT CREATE TENSION BETWEEN SIBLINGS

The order of birth can ultimately result in resentment as different roles and expectations are attributed to the oldest, the youngest, and the middle child, for example. Gender can also create tension, as well as different temperaments. The connection with the parents can differ and lead to jealously because of a feeling of relative disconnection.

But this is where parenting itself acts as a major factor as well. Avoid comparing either explicitly or implicitly and highlight individual talents and traits that make each child special – not in relation to other children, but in themselves. Talk to them as the intelligent individuals that they are and learn through their input – both about themselves, yourself, and all of the unique relationships make up your family unit. Slowly teach them to deal with conflict fairly by acting as a mediator – brainstorm solutions and compromises together, and then try to put them in practice to see how they work.

HOW TO SOLVE CONFLICT

Conflict is inevitable – big and small – but there are plenty of other opportunities for parents to put children in situations where they need to cooperate, share, take turns, etc. Conflict resolution is a skill that has to be practiced and continuously developed. Use the language of encouragement and be kind to facilitate kindness in your children. Try to connect with each child individually every day (or every two days, or every week – as much as you can) for 20 minutes through an activity of their choice. Recognize each child’s uniqueness and individuality and, in times of conflict, acknowledge their individual feelings, listen to their perspective, and help them reach a compromise or a solution everyone can agree upon.

If the rivalry is profound or parents are overwhelmed and feel that the tools they have and the strategies they’ve tried don’t work, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Prevention and adjusting is the best way to go – you don’t have to, not should you, wait until things get out of control.

CONTACT

City Kids

2/F East Wing, 12 Borrett Road, Mid Levels, Hong Kong

+852 2522 4446

Office & Administration: admin@citykidshk.org 

Principal, Marie Marchand: principal@citykidshk.org

www.citykidshk.org